guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
