I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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