the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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