the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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