Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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