Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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