I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
