I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
