I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
