fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
