College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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