i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
