So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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