OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
