so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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