ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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