idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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