i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
