I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I AM VODKA MAN
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
