he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
