did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
