dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Randomize
