i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
