I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
