I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
