We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
