3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
