I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
