I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
