Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
