I must be too annoying 4 u.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
