ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
