Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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