I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do herpes really smell.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
