He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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