What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
