Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
