I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
