Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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