I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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