The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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