I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
