im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
