Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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