You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
