its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
