He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There are leaves in my underwear?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
