ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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