the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
