hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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